"You Know What John? Two Can Play This Game. I Rate You A Fucking 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-Forever"

The following is a letter written to John Madden in 2007 regarding the player rating the veteran pro-bowl long snapper Ethan Albright received in the Madden 2007.

To: John Madden
CC: Electronic Arts Sports
From: Ethan Albright

Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden ‘07

Hi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is fucking bullshit and you should kiss my mother-fucking ass. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his ass on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his overall rating was sniffing 80.

You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a fucking 12. I rate you a fucking 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever… except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al Micheals or something. Boom. Score one for Red Beard.

The Increasingly Fluctuating Episodes of Todd Margaret

It's not easy dealing with no plot is it Franklin?

IFC has found itself a not so little niche market with the success of the SNL brainchild "Portlandia." Investing further into this quirky yet number boosting fan base, IFC continued set it's sights on the same market by renewing  last year's "The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret" a cousin of sorts of "Arrested Development." The show stars David Cross as Todd Margaret, who plays an eerily similar character to the infamous Dr. Tobias Funke and Will Arnett, who plays... well the exact same character Will Arnett always plays.  The show revolves around Todd Margaret's decision to accept a position he is overwhelmingly under qualified for, in a culture he doesn't understand. I personally found the opening of the show quite good. However, very little has gotten my attention except for the premise and Arnett's inventive cursing.This brings me to my precipice, the love hate relationship I have with the show and this genre of comedy in general. I find myself fluctuating being in love with the show and genre in general and annoyed with the lackadaisical attitude. Its almost like its tries to hard to be casual. It really is a hipster in its truest and most vulnerable state: creatively engaging, but lacking the confidence to deliver it properly. Comedy is two thirds delivery. The content of the show is brilliant; however it occasionally seems like Cross isn't comfortable enough to play his brilliantly comedic cards.

I wonder what happens to Todd?

The driving factor of television is anticipation, "The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret" I am afraid to say, hasn't got enough of it.  ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE OVERLY LONG TITLE OF BLAH BLAH..... David Cross will embarass himself... in London... again. What's the fun in that? Thank you IFC for exploring new brands of genuine humor in the age of Seth MacFarlane, but enough is enough. Please don't turn two of my favorite character actors into something I loathe...I cant stand the sight of Pabst Blue Ribbon any more. Please don't let the hipsters take David Cross and Will Arnett from me too.

But then again Will Arnett's cursing and the glimpses of proper delivery may just be enough to keep me watching. Season two has seen a large amount of development even in the onset hopefully this continues, and the Will Arnett-Pencil Pusher relationship continues as well. See for yourself and comment. "The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret" is on Fridays 10:30pm/9:30 CT, or On Demand at a time that doesn't suck.

Sorry David but Boom this is the Hammer Comin Down...You're Better than this hipster bologna.

UPDATE: Since the publishing of this article "The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret" has become increasingly awesome along the lines previously discussed....Its almost like they listened to me...


---Post by Gabe Piacentini