Summer Blockbusters tickle me in a rather unique manner. Many negative things are often said about summer blockbusters, from the mouths of the pretentious. They are said to give an eerie look into the shallow mind of the average American, that they are the pinnacle of modern literary ineptitude, and that they are nothing more than an escapist vehicle for crippled lives of the American public. But I for one, wish to take a stand for them. Sure a cheesy Optimus Prime quote has never inspired true justice or raised awareness about injustice, but there will always be a place in my heart for these pieces of Americana derived from 2 hours of constant visual stimulation. This year's batch of blockbuster trailers have begun to hit the internet waves. As an astute citizen, Joints and Cheese feels compelled to bring you the first ever Joints and Cheese Movie Trailer Awards. Enjoy.
The Shit Superheroes Say Award: Avengers Assemble
Alternative Title: Samuel L. Jackson Saves the World While Getting Pissed off at a Bunch of White Folk 3
All Sarcasm aside, this looks pretty awesome in terms of visual stimulation. I will likely see this on a rainy day this summer and feel moderately inspired for about 15 minutes after. I really like Mark Ruffallo and hopefully he will be able to bring solace to the identity of Hollywood's Hulk. My main question though is: What the fuck is that guy with the Bow and Arrow gonna do? Comic book nerds are likely rejoicing at Hawk Eye's inclusion; however I for one find his inclusion on the team reprehensible.
Also Filed Under "I Wonder What Happens in This Film Award," "The I Wonder If There Will Be a Sequel Award" and "The Ridiculous Technology Differencials Award." Additional note: runner up to "The We Stole Michael Bay's Villians Award."
All Sarcasm aside, this looks pretty awesome in terms of visual stimulation. I will likely see this on a rainy day this summer and feel moderately inspired for about 15 minutes after. I really like Mark Ruffallo and hopefully he will be able to bring solace to the identity of Hollywood's Hulk. My main question though is: What the fuck is that guy with the Bow and Arrow gonna do? Comic book nerds are likely rejoicing at Hawk Eye's inclusion; however I for one find his inclusion on the team reprehensible.
Also Filed Under "I Wonder What Happens in This Film Award," "The I Wonder If There Will Be a Sequel Award" and "The Ridiculous Technology Differencials Award." Additional note: runner up to "The We Stole Michael Bay's Villians Award."
The Best Big Daddy Sequel Award: That's My Boy.
I never thought I'd say this, but I am really enjoying Happy Madison's developing cocaine propensities. It has delivered us Rad Omen and now this. Adam Sandler and Andy Samberg team up on this prodigal father film filled with yelling, drinking and improvements on the ping pong ball trick. Lucky for Donny he likely doesn't owe 43K because the prediction is coming from Rex Ryan. Maybe Sandler could have left the Little Nicky voice in hell where it belongs, but on a scale of 1 to Happy Gilmore I give it just below a Big Daddy, not bad for Happy Madison's umpteenth film. Im not going to lie, I very much anticipate myself throwing this DVD on at 3am after a night out many a time years down the road. I hope this film joins the second generation of good Happy Madison flick's such as Grandma's Boy, and avoids the Bucky Larson triangle of disaster. (Apologies, but even you the most jingoistic patrons of the nation of Happy Madison, must agree.) And by the way, the teacher in this trailer is naked for the majority of season 3 of Californication... Also filed under "The Where Am I Gonna Get That Kinda Cash Award," and the "I wish I was 12 again Award."
MIB 3 may have just won this category because it had no opponents; however, this third installment breaks the 4th Dimension. Also filed under "The Best Aggressive Side Part Award," "The We Stole Michael Bay's Villians Award," "The Culturally introspective Award" and "The You've already Seen The Whole Movie Now Award."
The Rico Dynamite Award: Touchback
Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite gets an opportunity to see what would have happened if he hadn't of broke his leg in "that game." I wonder if he learns valuable lessons about life, through athletics.
Also Filed Under: "The Evidence Snake Plissken Can't Act Award"
The Character Seeimingly Based on Nic Cage's Real Life: Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance
Ghost Rider 1 has been on FX a couple of times in the last month. Once specifically, right as I was enjoying the trailer of Vampire's Kiss and Nic Cage Losing His Shit, as I was currently on a Nic Cage bender I decided to watch the entire film. Needless to say, I still have no idea what the film is about. However, I did have a couple excellent laughs and couldn't help but think that while he seemingly hasn't paid off his debt to the banks, he most certainly has paid his debt to society. Nic Cage we thank you here at Joints and Cheese for giving us so much content to write about.
Notable Other Trailers That Suck:
The Amazing Spider-Man. You give them a second chance and they still do a horrible job casting Spider Man.
Movies That Likely Wont Suck Section
The I Just Jizzed On My Keyboard Award: The Dark Knight Rises
This article began to parody shitty movies that are soon to come out; but as youtube drew me further and further into its depths, it was only a matter of time until I was reminded of Nolan's final Batman flick impending. The Dark Knight is (potentially) the greatest superhero film of all time. I won't even say anything else, teasing is cruel.
The Amelie Award: We Have A Pope
This award goes out to the film trailer that looks most likely capture the magical balance of comedy, drama and most importantly charm. This year award goes to We Have a Pope. This trailer looks terrific. Charmingly ironic in a poignantly effortless fashion is the best way to describe what the film appears to be, without using more than two adverbs in one sentence. While not being a blockbuster, We Have a Pope's trailer was too good to pass up. Maybe the New Pope is just anxious someone will be required to touch his balls. Or maybe that the church doesn't have the money to cover it up afterwards. Also filed under "The Bring It On 11: The Vatican Edition."
--- Posted By Gabe Piacentini
--- Posted By Gabe Piacentini