Unicycling is a serious hobby

Solution to Mass Societal Depression

98.6% (made that up) of Americans drive on paved roads every day, so why are they such an ugly shade of gray grey gray? Seems like if we use something so much and put it everywhere we might want to make it a little more aesthetically pleasing and a little less ugly and depressing. 

So I introduce to you my solution to mass societal depression/a display of my Paint® skills:

Streets of the Future

Bet you didn't even notice it was a gloomy, overcast day did you? Too focused on the wonderfully bright and chipper street, huh?

I picked baby blue (technically Sky Blue) because, you know, it just made more sense than white or yellow or neon orange. Soft on the eyes and matches trees and shit. I bet Leslie Knope would fund the crap outta this! Or democrats. Seriously though, how much more expensive would it be to add a little blue paint to the cement mixture? And tell me you wouldn't drive the fuck, block party the fuck and run the fuck think about running the fuck out of these streets? Homeless people would rejoice because they could brag they get to sleep on clouds every night. 

(Which would be good as there'd be a lot more homeless people because let's be honest, you'd get taxed up the ying-yang. Or you could make billions selling cloud-front property.)

K I'm done now.

I was just peeing outside...

I was just peeing outside when a raccoon scared the shit outta me! (I would say scared the piss outta me except I had just finished peeing thus there was no more pee inside of me that could be scared out.)

I pee outside sometimes because it's better for the environment than wasting 1.5-1.6 gpf [gallons per flush].

Back to the raccoon, well I guess I was just gonna say it ran away super fast... So back to my peeing outside, it's 3am and I've had a couple beers—if I wanna take a pee outside I can take a goddamn pee outside!

I'm deleting this when I wake up in the morning (early afternoon) so shout out to whoever sees it on my obscure ass website that I struggle to find material for because a post-grad life consisting of making small talk with your parents for the mere sake of trying to emulate social interaction in order to fool your brain into thinking your life didn't end with that stupid fucking waltz across the stage does little to elicit anything other than depressing material. Also double shout out to whoever followed that sentence.

Shoulda joined the mob.